BIG RANT-letter to a meth addict

You found out you were pregnant, maybe you know who the father is, probably not, because you were most likely high. You may not have even known you were pregnant for a few months, meth has taken over your life. Choices that may seem logical to everyone else, make no sense to you whatsoever. But I ask you this: WHAT THE CRAP!! Why, I ask, WHY are you getting pregnant if you are a drug addict?! I get that you have issues, you cant stop from doing your drug, but I beg of you, don't involve an innocent baby in your freakin' game! You've probably lost every person in your life who meant anything to you because of your lifestyle, you've stolen from them to support your habit, pushed them away when they try to get you help, who is going to be there for you when your addict baby finally comes home with you? Are you prepared for what an addicted baby is like? You cant touch him, because every time he senses your touch, it's like a million needles are piercing his skin. He will cry nearly 24 hours a day, never sleeping because he is craving that fix, you think your withdrawl is bad?! Your son will have morphine to help him, but even that doesn't ease his AGONY. He will cry non stop. You will have to keep him in a dark room because any light pierces to his brain. A whisper can feel like he's up against a speaker at a rock concert. He will refuse to eat. He will lose weight. He will constantly kick his arms and legs, he will turn purple from screaming non-stop. Can you handle that? Knowing that YOU MADE A CHOICE TO DO THIS TO YOUR CHILD, you didn't give a crap about what it would do, you just needed that high. You stayed long enough to check him in, and then before I could come talk to you again, you were gone..If you think I am being to harsh, think again, I am being kind. I see these babies, more and more coming in, and I feel a different person emerging from within myself. I try to have compassion for everyone, their circumstances, but when I see these babies-yours was somehow full term, most are much earlier, sometimes the size of a dollar bill-my heart hurts. I look at the little boy a few beds down whose parents get told that he has to go home to die, they wanted him so badly. They struggled with infertility only to have the cruel draw of having a baby that is too sick, he cant be saved. Whats wrong with you?! Get help. Change your life. Change the cycle that you have started. Live your life for your son, be the mom that HE always wanted, it's his right to live a full and happy life. If you cant get help, if your drug is just too powerful, give him the next best thing-give him up...

Ok, I feel better for the moment. I cant even tell you guys what its like to see these babies in the NICU. It's probably the thing that pisses me off the very most. It's a preventable issue, some of these moms cannot help having their babies 3 and 4 months early, they do everything in their power to try to have a healthy baby, and still nature decides otherwise. Then we get the girls who have done some drug the entire pregnancy, never seeing a doctor, normally a teenager, and they just don't give a crap. I am not lumping every case into this stereotype, we have had a few moms "get" it, but most don't and I thank God that most get taken into states custody and at least have a chance. But we had this one baby who was in there forever, he would get better, through his withdrawl, and then suddenly he would start all over again. The mom swore she was clean, said she had been for a few weeks before the baby was born. She was pumping for the babies feedings, well finally her breast milk was tested, she was not clean. So here we were, working on getting the drugs out of his system and she was feeding it back into him every 2 hours! And you know what the worst part was? As a "breastfeeding" hospital, there was no cause for intervening, we couldn't say or do anything about it. If you have never seen a baby who is addicted, it is the saddest and most infuriating thing EVER.
Ok, enough being pissed off. Thanks for letting me rant...